When I was inhabited by my youth, I wanted to make a living by being a Taco Bell taste tester. I thought it was the coolest thing ever to be able to try things before everyone else got to try it. I wanted to be the one to make the executive decision of whether the newest mutation of foods would make it to international menus or local garbage bins. I would create vile, to some (e.g. my grandma), combinations that I always wanted to try.
As I matured, so did my tastebuds. I no longer wanted to put a taco inside an enchilada inside a crunchwrap. No, no. My dreams of a tacoducken were no more. I wanted to make actual, real food that actual, real people may enjoy.
Burger Barn co-owner Kierstin Colaceci must’ve felt the same way as me. Good to know that someone could follow through with it.
Just off of Route 15 in Jeffersonville, a patch of land houses the fine establishment that is Burger Barn. A purple trailer decked out with a full kitchen has been serving Vermont residents and passersby from their permanent residence since (at least) 2014. The original Burger Barn was a mobile trailer that would service the local festivals/events.
It wasn’t until my third year of living in northern Vermont that I finally got the chance to eat at Burger Barn. Blasphemous, I know, but sometimes that’s just how it goes! There’s a reason “better late than never” is a popular saying. Needless to say, the wait was well worth it.
Pulling into the potholed grass parking lot emulated the same feeling as a kid pulling into the Disney World parking lot for the first time. It’s a certain feeling that one experiences only a few times in a lifetime. A feeling you take for granted, until you look back on it and realize what you once had is now long gone.
The pitch black 5:50 p.m. sky was dazzled by the rainbow lights hung on the outside of the barn. Maybe it was the astigmatism, maybe it was the voices, maybe Burger Barn just knows how to put on a show. Whatever the reason, there’s no denying: the vibes were vibing. Halloween decorations hadn’t been evicted from their rightful home, despite it being mid-November. The plastic skeleton welcome signs watched over the cash only signs, tip jar, and fry size cups with poise and grace. During an interview with them, I asked about their relationship. They said they’re just work friends, but I know how that goes. Nobody makes it out as food service coworkers alive. I put in a good word with their boss, so hopefully they can get a raise before the holiday season gets a move on.
Although Burger Barn’s extensive menu is a Godsend to a foodie, if you’re as indecisive as me, it may be a good idea to look at the menu beforehand. I’m not usually an anxiety defender, but you can bet your sweet ass the incessant need to check the menu to know exactly what to order was in my favor. Burger Barn doesn’t have an official website, so be sure to remember your Facebook password!
With 32 burgers, seafood, “fried stuff,” other sandwiches, and hot dogs, Burger Barn certainly has something for everyone. If you have the same palate as the pickiest 15-year-old I know, a Cheeseburger ($9), minus lettuce, tomato, onion may be your best choice. Here’s where I would lie to your face and say nothing beats a classic cheeseburger, but that was before I tried the Nutty Goat Burger ($11). The audience (my stuffed animals) oohed and ahhed at the description of this burger. A medium to medium-well burger topped with chevre cheese, maple crusted walnuts, caramelized onion, and bacon with a light layer of mayo on a hamburger bun.
After they called my name out the window to indicate that my food was ready, I gladly went up with a smile and left with a death grip on my food. I was so hungry and so ready to chow down, but I was patient and took my meal to-go. With the drive back and a stop at the gas station, I was pleasantly surprised that a burger that had been made roughly 40 minutes ago was still as good as it was! Walnuts were falling off left and right, but that didn’t stop me from plopping them back into the burger for, what one may call, a perfect bite.
Was it too much for a singular burger? Absolutely not! And if you think otherwise, go get one and get back to me.
The crispy bacon contrasted with the soft onions a little too well. It’s like you’re having the best day of your life: gas is cheap, your Dunkin’ tastes like nectar from the Gods and not sewer water, and you find a crisp $20 bill at your feet. Then you realize that your distant family members are coming to stay for the weekend. That was the bite when I realized that my bun wasn’t toasted! Maybe mine got overlooked, maybe that’s the way they make them. Either way I would’ve appreciated a lil’ more something something.
I also had the pleasure of getting a hot dog, and what a pleasure it was indeed. Immediately entering my top five dogs of all time is nothing short of an honor.
The Dogfather ($6) is a gloriously toasted split-top bun holding bleu cheese, bacon, lettuce, tomato, red onion, mayo, and of course, a hot dog. The bun isn’t the only thing split and toasted. Can you guess? Go ahead and guess. Did you guess? I’m gonna be kinda mad if you didn’t, I’m not gonna lie. Well, if you guessed hot dog, you’d be right! Woohoo! Yes, indeed, folks, they split the dog and grill it. Oh me, oh my. So amazing. Let’s celebrate your correct guess by splitting a Dogfather, Lady and the Tramp style. My car’s already warmed up and ready to go!
Even though I’m the fifth Burger Barn reviewer for Basement Medicine, I hope this influences you to check them out. Whether it’d be your first time, like me, or your hundredth, Burger Barn is a significant part of northern Vermont. Stop by in-person with a wad of cash (that’s all they take) and an empty stomach for best results. But they do take a good chunk of winter off, so you might have to wait until spring.